Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
