she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
