Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
