you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
