I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
