Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
