i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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