I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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