let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
