I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
