Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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