Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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