Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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