alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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