Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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