just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
