I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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