life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
