Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
