Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
