The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Houston, we have a blender
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
