Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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