Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
