if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
