No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
