Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
