it wasn't lemon gatorade
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She bit a glass in half.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can't turn off my feet"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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