Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
