Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
