I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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