Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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