For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
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There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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