question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
