I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
