Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
