I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
