oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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