I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
