I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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