sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There's always time for handjobs
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
