you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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