i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
