Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize