I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
