Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
