Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
