you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
