I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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