And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
