You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
