Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
