I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
a search helicopter?!
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
