if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Vodka?
Forever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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