I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
