Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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