At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
