And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
