Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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