We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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