I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You are the jesus of drinking
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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