im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
