Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
