"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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