I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
