I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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