just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
