I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize