I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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