i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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