She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My life is pants optional.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize